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What is an insight?
What exactly is an insight?
And how can you get more insights? Good questions.
Basically, anything you do to increase your information is an
insight. Solving a problem will bring you a new insight. Developing a new insight requires the use of both sides of your brain.
One side asks the question and, after some pondering and maybe ruminating around in your head, the other side comes up with
an answer. When that happens, an insight is added to your knowledge base. It happens when you figure something out.
Something physical also happens when this insight develops. A neural pathway forms that wasn't there before. And this neural
pathway is another little highway that neurotransmitters can travel along.
I was at a seminar not too long ago
that was conducted by a psychiatrist who said the goal of counseling is to lead a client ot insight.
The most effective
way to develop insights is through cognitive therapy.
And the more neural pathways there are, the more opportunities
for neurotransmitters to travel along these connections. This explains why cognitive therapy is the treatment of choice
for depressions and other mood disorders. These mood disorders play havoc with our cognitions and are responsible for distorting
them.
But, in the final analysis, you just can't get too many good insights. And here's something you may not
know. Neural impulses zip along at abut 200 mph. That's lightning fast when you consider that your brain isn't that wide.
Or tall.
Isn't that amazing?
**
What's your take on all the cell phone calls that intrude on time spent with friends
and relatives? In the last several years I have gone from one position to the other and back again. And my annoyance with
the interrupting cell phone calls is also tied to my view of voice mail messages.
Let me explain.
Can't
tell you have many times I've witnessed people who have gotten cell phone calls while I'm either visiting or meeting or dining
with them. The scene goes like this -- the phone rings. There's that quick look to see who's calling.
I ask, "Do
you need to take that call?"
"No, I'll let it go to voice mail." Hmmm. So when my calls go to voice
mail, I often wonder if the person sees my name or number and lets my call go to the cybercloset where lesser things are stored.
Like voice mail messages from people not important enough to get an answer to their call.
I seldom leave voice
mail messages in those cyberclosets anymore.
And for sure, I wrestle with the reasonableness of that thought.
Since I'm not psychic and I don't know for sure what's going on, I just hang up without leaving a message. Then I call
back at a later time. I guess it's just people who opt not to take calls. I mean, if you aren't going to take a call when
you're in a meeting, just turn the phone off. That way you don't annoy anybody, least of all me. Not that anyone has to worry
about annoying me. Maybe it's just me. Oh well. I'm a work in progress.
I've also been told by technocrats to turn
off my cell phone with some frequency. That way, all the defaults get reset back to the way they're supposed to be. That advice
came in response to my complaint that there would be times when I'd get a voice mail a week after the message was left. Instead
of turning my phone off when I'd go into a meeting, or go to church, I'd just set it to vibrate. That way there would be no
sound. And since I didn't reset the cell phone back to the default, I wouldn't get that loud noise that tells me somebody
left me a voice mail.
For sure, the rules of etiquette are changing to accommodate all the rules of cybertalking.
The rules of good manners are all about showing respect and consideration for others. I favor turning off the phone completely
since I have this brand new information about voice mail messaging.
If I could just remember to turn my cell phone
back on right away, I'd be a lot more efficient.
Quint and I try to remember to prompt each other to turn our phones
back on. Between the two of us, we make one good brain.
##
If you are an upbeat person who puts a positive spin on what's
going on around you, then you most likely have a wonderful line-up of friends. People flock to upbeat people. You're
so much more pleasant to be around than the gloom-and-doomers. You have a way of making life interesting, no matter what you're
doing. Others would do well to take a page out of your playbook and look at the glass half full.It's a trite
old saying for sure, but here's the really big difference. When you view the world as half full, you se a glass that's ripe
for new opportunities and challenges that can be added to your life. Your future then promises a menu of ornate and limitless
things that are going to happen. And even if some of those events may be awkward or unpleasant, you have the self-confidence
in your abilities to cope and resolve pesky situations. Now, isn't that better than seeing the glass as half empty, half used
up? Negative people have yet to discover that we make the joys in our lives as we go along. And hopefully, we never us up
all our joy. Travel on the road that brings you joy. It will lead to your successes in life. Limit the time you spend with
grumpies and folks who don't share your good moods. Otherwise, you'll just end up dragging them along with you like a boat
anchor.
All good relationships share some similarities, while
relationships that aren't working so well are falling apart for unique reasons. There are three elements that good
relationships have in common. These are: empathy, sensitivity and reciprocity. Empathy allows us
to feel what others are feeling. We have these vicarious feelings when we go to wakes. Who of us has ever embraced someone
who is tormented by the pain of grief and not felt empathic? We feel emotional pain and discomfort when we see someone crying.
When we see someone's shoulders shaking in deep-seated torment. Very often we even cry because at those moments we share the
enormity of such sadness. That's empathy. It certainly can be moments of great joy that are shared at weddings, births of
babies, christenings, graduation exercises. Empathy is a wonderful element in a relationship because it draws us nearer to
one another. Sensitivity is a different element in a relationship. Sensitivity allows us to express what
we feel. For sure, we may be empathic when we feel our hearts tugged by the emotional expressions of another but if we are
unable to express any feelings of our own, we remain insensitive to others. We've probably all seen our young folks wandering
through their adolescence. It's as if they have hundreds of little sensitive toes that are at risk to getting stepped on.
And when they perceive any slights to the budding identities they are forming, their little sensitivities set off a tremendous
reaction of irritable expressions. When teens are going through those sensitive times, they are most able to express their
sensitivities to who's doing what to them. In couple counseling, one spouse will often become emotional during a session.
I am always interested in what the other spouse does in response to that emotional outpouring. Sometimes the tears
are met with a stony silence and other couples reach out for each other. They want to feel each other's comforting
touch. Reciprocity is a powerhouse in this trifecta. It comes up out of the word reciprocal. We
learned in algebra that what we do to one side of an equation, we have to do to this other side to keep both sides equal in
value. Reciprocity in a relationship also requires that mutuality. It can be returning a favor. It can be paying someone back
for something done for us. I see a lot of reciprocity with newlyweds. Couples are most eager to do things that please each
other. There's no keeping score of whose turn it is to do something. People just do nice things for each other because they
want to bring the other person joy. Reciprocity turns ugly, though, when people turn to getting even. Something changes in
their hearts. Reciprocity becomes retaliation. That's a slippery slope that sends people down a path of pain. Better to look
at this trifecta and see how you can keep empathy, sensitivity and reciprocity healthy and alive in your relationships.
What does the word honor mean to you?
We kick the word around without too much "background noise" about what the word means. Yet it plays a prominent
part of wedding vows. It's an unwritten law when politicians take their oaths of office. You bet, they're supposed to honor
their constituents -- you know, the folks who voted for them and put them into office. But there's a tremendous unrest growing
in the nation now because the voters/taxpayers feel betrayed. Like they have been dishonored big time. At first the politicians
were dismayed that the voters found their voice. Then the polls started showing the approval ratings taking serious dips.
Now what do they do? It's really difficult to restore that sense of confidence once people feel dishonored. It remains to
be seen whether the politicians will do anything to recupe the losses in their approval ratings. You see, once honor goes
out the window, ideals come into play. People are not likely to be willing to be fooled twice by the same individual. Unless
it involves a different kind of relationship, like marriage. Fortunately people who are married to each other have a much
deeper relationship that a voter to the politician. But married couples? They try and they try and keep on trying. The vows
of honor mean something entirely different to people who love each other. Honoring and respecting each other means we fall
in love with one another all over again regularly.
Today is a good day to realize more than anything else how important it is to keep in
touch with our individuality and our moral compass. You do a good job with this and it helps keep you "moored."
Our individuality is our personhood. There are those people out there who make you feel like you've been
sucked into their emotional black hole but this won't happen to you if you protect your own sense of individualness. It's
who you are and it's what makes you a beautiful unique person. Take the high road every chance you get!
Mental stamina ranks right up there with resilience when it comes to
improving self-esteem and keeping ourselves just plain old feeling good about ourselves. So what do I mean by mental stamina?
Well, in the first place, it means just find something you're good at it and keep doing it. Or find something that you
know you should be doing and keep doing that too. It takes stamina to get continued results. Sometimes it seems a bit dull
to keep doing the same thing again and again and again. But that's how you develop mental stamina -- do it often enough
and you'll eventually get pretty good at it. Maybe it's a bit like competing with ourselves. Perfection? Forget that.
None of us will ever be perfect. But we can be better than we were yesterday. You're up to it, so just keep at it.
Talent shines like a searchlight. And when you have talent -- for anything you
can do -- use it to make the world a better place. Talent and creativity are not necessarily the same thing so don't hide
behind the old saw that you have no creativity. Truth is, we all are creative in some way. If you're fortunate, you're
creative in many ways. When you identify your own creativity, then you can shape it into talents. Expressing that creativity
that you turn into talents is good for your brain too. It release brain chemicals that bind to pleasure centers in the brain.
That explains why pursuing creative expressions gives us such a feeling of well-being. You don't have to be a Van Gogh
to be creative. My mother, for instance, was always mystified when she was told that she was highly creative (which she was).
She didn't understand it because she couldn't draw or paint. Yet she used a tremendous amount of creativity when she
cooked and when she crocheted. I have many pieces of ceramics that the painted. And she went through a period when she tried
her hand at textile painting. Yes, indeed, she was very creative and she was able to capture a lot of her creativity and express
it through talents. You can do the same.
Today you realize that you have a lot of talents to share with others. Actually
we all have lots to share and when we open up to others, we get as much as we give. A big boost in self esteem awaits you
when you do something nice for other people, whether as a full fledged volunteer in a program or caring agency, or just sending
a cheerful little note or a birthday card. My dear mother loved to cook. Sadly all the kids left home and she had no one to
cook all those delicious big meals for. Then one day she decided she'd cook a big beef roast. Just like old times. She
charged right on over to Wal-Mart and bought some of those containers that look like TV dinner trays. They had snap on lids
too. I think Rubbermaid may have made them. She bought a half dozen or so sets. Roast beef with gravy in the big section,
then mashed potatoes in another, and green beans (her specialty) in the third section. She supplied a store bought dinner
roll in a baggy. Then she marched around her neighborhood and delivered a couple of them to people who, like herself, were
living alone. She stashed the rest. I guess she had enough for several meals for herself. But man oh man did she make a hit.
She'd do the same things with her cakes. German chocolate was one of her favorite cakes to make. She delivered big pieces
of her chocolate cake to her friends at the bank, her insurance broker, neighbors, and even the lady at the optometrist's
office. I didn't hear these stories until she'd died though. She loved to cook. I mean she loved to cook
-- and she loved to share her efforts with others. And they loved her for it. So share your efforts and talents with other
people. They'll love you for it.
##
Believe it or not, you have what you need right now. If you don't think so,
then go through your closets, drawers and other places where you put your stuff. We basically buy 4 things -- food, clothing,
shelter, transportation. Depending on how much money you make will determine how much you spend on each of those items. Like
whether you're driving a Lincoln Town Car or a Focus. The more you make, the more you spend on those four items. Or you
may eat like a gourmet versus something more humble. There is a fifth item -- maybe you call it miscellaneous or discretionary
spending. That's where entertainment gets tucked in. If you're active in a church congregation, a lot of your discretionary
money goes toward supporting your church and engaging in fellowship activities of your congregation. The problem that
a lot of people have is that they shop for entertainment. They come out of a store feeling guilty that they bought so much
stuff. Maybe they return it within a day or so and maybe they don't. Maybe they just stash it somewhere. So next time
you think you need something, it's probably because you want something, or you want to go shopping.
Make a list, instead, of all the reasons why you should not go shopping. Figure out about how much you
would spend and put that amount in your savings account. Don't have a savings account? Then start one. Don't have
any cash? Maybe it's because you go shopping a lot and are spending the money you will be making in May 2010 because
between now and then you'll be paying off what you've been spending for the last couple of years.
##
Be a peace keeper. How do you do this? By being aware of the needs, wants, limits
and talents of those around you. You can get along with other people when you pay attention to them. If you honor
them. We are all in a rowboat cruising down this huge big river of life so we ought to be concerned about making sure the
boat stays afloat. All it takes is one person to tip it over and when that happens, we all sink. We help keep the boat afloat
by affirming all the passengers. Each and every one of us is looking for affirmation. We get affirmations when other people
make us feel like we're a valuable part of their lives. We affirm others when we make them feel like we value them. Show
someone you value them today. Affirm someone.
##
You have lots of good ideas. So it's no wonder that others want to re-engineer
your thinking and make it look like your ideas are their own. Think of this as flattery. They just can't come up with
the good stuff like you can. Problem is, other people don't exactly give you credit for your good ideas. Would be nice
if they did, but thought thieves don't operate that way. Cheer up -- it they didn't think your ideas were any good,
they'd just ignore you.
##
You're supposed to be feeling pretty energetic today. Got lots to do so hop
to it! Humor works with making any relationship a happy place to camp out in. So put a smile on your face and make everyone
glad they ran into you today. Greet every person you meet with a nice comment about them. That's what makes you
a charming person, you know. The lady at the checkout counter yesterday had on the most gorgeous earrings and I told her so.
You'd think I gave her a $10 tip! And then I said, "You have a nice day, Rachel." Always look for their name
tags and thank them for their help, by name!
##
Be your own cheerleader! First thing you have to do is believe in yourself. That
doesn't mean you go around bragging about all the wonderful things you do but it does mean you know what you need to know
to get jobs done. And done well! So be proud of yourself and quietly pat yourself on the back once in a while. You deserve
it!
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